When you are willing to go through the "ouch," you can get to the "a-ha!" and finally, the "aaahh."
Communication can be painful, especially the communication we have with ourselves. Often, we distract ourselves from the pain by criticizing, blaming or simply ignoring what's triggering us. That means it stays with us and we stay in pain.
In my upcoming book, I'll explain how to quickly move through the pain to get to the "a-ha!", the insight that's behind the pain. When we do that, relief takes the place of the pain and we become free of the trigger.
When I first started working when I was sixteen, I had already learned the value of good hard work. Growing up, my father had insisted on us working every spare moment of every day. Well that's what it seemed like! I had to tell my friends on most occasions that I could not go to the party or have a stay over because I had to help my dad build something or clean something. I hated it.
But after I had started working a real job for real money, there was a comment made to me from a manager of the Albertsons store that I was working at while I was staying overtime to mop up the floor. I will remember his words the rest of my life. As he watched me work with enthusiasm and vigor, he said with sincerity, "Eli, if you ever need a job at anytime in your life, you've got one."
Wow! Someone noticed my hard work ethic. That made me feel good.
Since that day I have always tried to compliment those
When managers want to accomplish goals through their employees, they usually think in terms of accountability. It’s common to hear questions like “Who’s accountable for that project?” “Whose idea was that?” and “Whose fault is it?”
How do the answers to these questions accomplish goals? I don’t think they do. In my experience, questions that focus on accountability lead to discussions about blame, which often divide work groups into gossip camps and passive aggressive reactions. That wastes a lot of time.
A different approach is to focus on self-responsibility. Instead of the above questions, an employee with self-responsibility might say, “How can I help?” “I like / don’t like that idea because ______ and here’s what I suggest _____.” “How did our process (not a person) cause that problem?&r
In my last post, I described how life reflects back to us what we believe about our worthiness and “enoughness” and I said that watching for patterns is a great way to recognize these reflections. I recently identified a pattern in my own life and connected it to a painful belief that held me hostage for most of my 38 years ~ not any more!
About a month ago, I moved into an idyllic 1930s cottage right along the river and Missoula’s beautiful river’s edge bike path. I was so happy to be in a house again, especially one with so much charm. What could be wrong with that? Plenty!
The floors creak more than you might imagine, and there is a renter in the basement. During my first few weeks in the house, I felt terrible about walking around in the morning, knowing that my neighbor might be woken up by my movements. While I was doing everything I could think of not to disturb her, she slammed her door every time she went in or out and she blasted
As humans, we are social beings. For most of us, one of the cruelest punishments is total isolation. We need other people to listen to our stories, to share their own, and to mirror and respond to our thoughts and feelings and behaviors. But since we really do need other people, why do so many of us, so much of the time, have the biggest conflicts and the most harrowing difficulties with those people we need the most?
Part of the problem is that we need people, yet we may believe that we should not need anyone. The dream of Marlborough Man, the independent, cool, tough guy, still exists for men and women alike. So, we get into relationships with people we need and then we make every effort to prove to them how much we don't need them. And this happens at work, at home, and in any situation where we spend time and share activities with other people.
Communication is easy. All you need to do is say what you mean and mean what you say. Right! How many of us are able to truly do that? And, when we finally do say what we intend to say, why is it that the people we say it to are not always happy to hear our words?
Whether we want to believe it or not, there definitely is an art to communicating effectively. First, of course, we need to really know what we think, feel, believe, and want to communicate to others. Right here, many of us run into problems. We may have some idea about what needs to be said, but we may not be clear about how we feel and we may have no idea how the other person or persons might respond. So, first, we have to gain clarity about our own thoughts, ideas, needs, desires, beliefs and intentions.
Next, it is important for us to know who we are communicating with. How does this person tend to receive and interpret information? Do they often&n
I have often wondered how you create charisma in your life. Since charisma is a form of energy, the question is how do you go about creating energy. And then there’s the question of what type of energy.
If you look at charisma as magnetism then charisma can be used in a good or bad way depending on the intention of the person. There are some people that are just plain charismatic no matter what
This blog is to help share the latest tools in improving communication skills, eliminating confusion in business and personal relationships and empowering people to live their dream with passion
One of the primary complaints I hear from my coaching clients is that they are unhappy in their professions. Too often, after further exploration of the source of this unhappiness, it is revealed that these individuals did not pursue their current career paths by their own conscious choice but rather to appease their parents. It seems that parental influence plays a major role in whether or not one is capable of pursuing their dreams.
This is not a phenomenon unique to life coaching clients. My mother, an esthetics and cosmetology instructor, is often surprised by the varying backgrounds that make up her class compositions. She ponders why at least half of her students possess experience and post-doctoral degrees in the fields of Computer Science, Healthcare or Law and yet are so eager to start up vocational training in the beauty field. The answer is almost always the same; the parents are to blame.
