On this day, I was in my car, stopped at a crosswalk, waiting on a couple to cross the street. Instead, they walked along the side of the street, not cutting through the waiting traffic. My car was partially hidden behind a large armored van making it's daily delivery. I knew the couple couldn't see me waiting for them.
After a few minutes, I decided to drive through the crosswalk since it was not being used by pedestrians. Of course, who decided to cross at the same time but the couple?! My car is a V8 and it roared by them, taking both by surprise. I felt bad yet could not stop without causing a traffic incident.
As I parked and headed to the store, the woman from the crosswalk jumped outfrom behind a car and literally accosted me. She screamed at me, full of rage for "trying to run her down." I certainly understood her point of view. Using my "difficult people communication" skills, I patiently waited for her to vent and then tried to apologize. She was not in the mood for an apology, unfortunately and continued to stand and scream at me in the middle of the superstore parking lot.
Being an effective communicator means knowing when to end the conversation, so I did. I apologized one last time and calmly walked away. That's when she yelled out, "I hope you don't treat your momma this way!" Hmmmm. She's right. I would never treat my ‘momma' that way because my mom has more manners and personal dignity than to stand in a parking lot and scream obscenities at a complete and total stranger.
She's also right that I should have waited until they could see my car before moving through the crosswalk. Did my rudeness deserve a meltdown in the parking lot? Not likely. This was not a young, unskilled or uneducated person. This woman was middle-aged, someone who'd had her share of rudeness and had reached a breaking point. Sound familiar? Why do we all feel so frustrated by rude behavior and then feel warranted to be equally rude in return?
When our lives are so out of balance that we believe the world is intentionally seeking us out for punishment or negative behavior, it's time to chill. Seriously chill. Up to 89% of our stress is internally created and this is a perfect example. My behavior wasn't personally targeted to this woman, yet she interpreted it to be that way. My actions justified the stress in her life.
Perhaps the notion of "practicing random acts of kindness" benefits more than those around us...perhaps it benefits us as well. Do something kind and purposeful today. Use the manners your parents taught you on a complete stranger. Go out of your way to compliment a young person on their efforts. You may find the rewards of practicing good manners to be a wonderful stress reliever...even at the superstore!
Allison Blankenship works with organizations on how to communicate under pressure and balance their work/life responsibilities. Learn how to bring this training to your company by contacting Monica at MVP Seminars.
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